***SPOILERS – Vertigo 3.1 Tapings***
What's up, LOP Land? Mikey Moose back in black with your heads up on what to expect from the upcoming episode of Vertigo. Same as it ever was, I'll tell you what went down and give you a few of my thoughts, which are better than your thoughts, and then you can decide whether or not it's worth watching. I hit both brands this week, and each one taped two matches. I’m going to go ahead and guess the order in which they’ll air. Shall we?
Match 1:
Trey Spruance vs. Paul Brooks
I just want to go on record as saying that it was good to see Trey in (relatively) decent working condition, as opposed to that inebriated stupor he was in a few shows back. I don’t really know much about this Brooks guy, but we’ll see whether or not he can wow me tonight.
These two guys put on a decent match, trading blows and holds for a good ten minutes. Trey seemed to get winded a bit toward the end, but he held his own. I have to give props to Brooks for showing that he’s a decent worker in the ring, but now he really needs to take that next step and make us give a damn about him. He had a few awesome moves, including one where he countered Trey’s top rope attempt into a spike DDT as he was on his way down. It was pretty sweet.
Too bad it didn’t lead to a cover. The high point of the match, no pun intended, was when Trey went up for his big finish. He was stumbling a bit, whether from the exhaustion or the weed, I can’t say for sure, but he made it up to the top rope. He made a toking sign to the crowd and then he dove off for his 450 Splash. Only, he didn’t quite make the full 450. He was about 30 degrees short, and landed with his knees on the chest of his opponent. I’m not sure whether that was intentional, but it looked awesome, and Brooks legitimately couldn’t move after that.
You heard it here first, folks. Trey Spruance delivered a picture perfect 420 Splash.
Trey Spruance (2.90 APS + 2.30 AVS = 5.20 Total)
Paul Brooks (2.62 APS + 0.60 AVS = 3.22 Total)
Mikey's Thoughts: Despite losing, Brooks showed me something tonight. I am hoping he can capitalize on that moving forward and really start to make a name for himself. Time to break out, McGillicutty. Trey was good tonight, and though his side habits still seem to be affecting his work, at least they aren’t preventing it anymore. I’m thinking he needs to get some help sooner than later, but if he can still pull out 420 Splashes (I am so copyrighting that) then who am I to judge?
Match 2: Redemption Triple Threat Match
Cyborg Lincoln vs. Mr. Golden vs. Vincent Van Rose
I’m still not entirely sure what this Redemption thing is all about, but I’m pretty sure it’ll be contested under Duchess of Queensbury Rules.
Moving along, the dudes made their respective ways to the ring in the reverse order listed above, and I had the following thoughts during the entrances. 1) Vincent Van Rose has both ears intact. That’s kind of a let down. 2) Anyone with enough brass balls to name themselves Mr. Golden better have the steel ones to back it up. 3) How can you beat a robotic former president? He’s like the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future, only he freed the slaves.
This triple threat match pretty much devolved into the debuting Golden and the bitchin’ PresiBot taking turns beating the holy piss out of Van Rose. While he may have begun the match with both ears intact, I’m not entirely sure that is how he finished it. A good five minutes went by where the poor sap was tossed back and forth like a pinball between two giant flippers in the form of Lincoln and Golden.
Finally, about seven minutes into the match, Golden nailed Van Rose with a pretty sweet Rock Bottom, which he brazenly refers to as The Gold Rush, and he went for the cover, only to have Cyborg Lincoln break the count and nail Golden with an Emancipation Lariat over the top rope to the floor. Lincoln then went for the pin on Van Rose and that was all she wrote.
Cyborg Lincoln (3.58 APS + 1.2 Vote = 4.78 Total)
Mr. Golden (3.20 APS + 0.6 Vote = 3.80 Total)
Vincent Van Rose (0.00 APS 0.1 Vote = 0.10 Total)
Mikey's Thoughts: Not a bad match at all, though I’d start checking hospital registries to see if Van Rose gets admitted sometime soon. With this victory, Lincoln becomes the third man to get his choice of the entrance numbers in the Redemption Rumble. Pick number 1, Abe. Go the whole nine!
Match 3:
Chris Project vs. Blackwell
I was actually looking forward to this match for two reasons. First, I’m interested in seeing what kind of potential this Project dude has. My guess is not much, but that’s another story. Second, I’ve been watching Blackwell wrestle since I was like 6 years old. He’s like Hogan without the gay. Or the success.
Anyway, this match never even got off the ground. In fact, neither dude made it out from the back. The music hit, and nothing. Cameras backstage showed both dudes laid out and bleeding in the back with the words “The End Is Near” scrawled on the wall above them. Weird shit’s been going down lately, and it all seems like it’s boiling to head. Could be interesting. It better be, anyway.
NO CONTEST
Chris Project 0.00 APS + 1.50 AVS = 1.50
Blackwell 0.00 APS + 1.10 AVS = 1.10
Mikey's Thoughts: This is clearly playing toward some larger angle, and I’m hoping we get to see the beginnings of what that is soon. In other news, my Blackwell joke is line of the night. Bank it.
Match 4:
Color Blind vs. Australis
I’m guessing this will be the main event of the episode considering the people involved. This is an interesting match in my eyes, for sure, because it takes two guys who are making names for themselves in singles action and tosses them into the tag team mix. And no, I’m not talking about Zenith and the good Kaptain. In fact, DJCXK don’t have a whole lot of experience in the tag team world at all, let alone with each other, while their opponents are familiar with how that game is played.
Before I get into the match itself, though, I have to talk about team names. Australis, I get. They are from Australia. That pretty much speaks for itself. But then there’s Color Blind (and no, I’m not putting a u in color. Fucking Canehdians…). They took, like, the two non-X black dudes on the entire roster and teamed them up. That seems less Color Blind and more Color Aware. Color Sensitive? Color Apparent? ColorEd? Shit, now I’m sounding racist. Moving on.
There was a lot of good back and forth action in this match. It was pretty much a good throw back to the old school tag matches of the 80’s. A lot of fast tags and teamwork. About halfway through the match, Zenith and Kap started having some communication issues. Serious ones. Despite their experience edge, these issues ended up costing them in the long run and Color Vision ended up getting the duke after a funny little exchange where DJC nailed Kap with the Soap To Ya Dome, and then offered the tag to Xander before shrugging off and taking the pin himself. Good stuff.
Color Blind (DeSean J. Connery & Xander Kross) – (4.32 APS + 4.30 APS + 1.0 Vote = 9.62 Total)
Australis (Zenith & Kaptain Krossbones Kafu) – (3.82 APS + 3.64 APS + 0.9 Vote = 8.36 Total)
Mikey's Thoughts: I am curious to see what the future holds for Australis after some of the miscues they suffered tonight. I am even more curious to see where ColorVision goes from here, though, because I think these two have a decent amount of potential. Singles or tag? Both? Bitchin.
*****
All in all, I'd say Vertigo was a pretty good show. Good matches, and some decent build toward some upcoming angles that should hopefully have a good payoff. The show gave me some answers, but left me with more questions, which is always good. I’ll definitely be keeping my peepers popping to see what happens next. I’ll be back next month for the next round of tapings, and in the meantime, don't forget to wipe, and stay off the pipe, while all you haters out there can feel free to slurp down a hot bowl of my cock. Toodles, kittens.
Mikey Moose (Mike_Rulz@hotmail.com)