***SPOILERS – Vertigo 3.2 Tapings***
What's up, bitches and hoes? Mikey Moose back in blue with Vertigo results. You know how it works by now, and if you don’t, I got two words for ya. Forum Archives.
Match 1: Tag Team Match
Chris Project & Magic vs. Ultramarcus & Morpheus
First of all, I about shit myself when I saw this match come on Vertigo. And first, no less. I definitely wasn’t expecting to see the World Champ and the newest Insanity acquisition competing on Vertigo, especially just one show after forming an UNSTOPPABLE ALLIANCE!!@!@!!1 together. I’ve never been a huge fan of either of these guys, but if this match is any indication of how these guys are going to work together in the coming months, then I have to say that people are going to be in trouble. Why?
Shortest. Match. Ever.
Let’s lay it out. First, Project and Magic come out. They are in the ring together, then slide to the outside. UM and Morph make their way to the ring to that new power metal tune that rocks nads and pose in the ring. The two then stand face to face, talking and hyping each other up. Magic slides into the ring behind Ultramarcus and Project behind Morpheus. They charge at their opponents, and without saying anything to each other, or even giving a signal, Morph and Marcus both step to their respective rights, making Project and Magic smash right into each other. The ref rings the bell to start the match.
Morpheus and Marcus grab their respective fodder pieces and nail their finishers simultaneously WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING AT EACH OTHER! They both go for the cover at the same time, and the ref counts three and calls for the bell. Morph and Marcus stand up and pose back to back to the delight of fans the world over. Bell to Bell was just under seven seconds. They even replayed the match on the big screen with a timer showing, which got a massive laugh from the live crowd. Good times.
Ultramarcus and Morpheus (4.08 APS + 4.30 APS + 2.40 Vote = 10.78)
Magic and Chris Project 0.00 APS + 0.00 APS + 0.00 Vote = 0.00
Mikey's Thoughts: A bit disappointed with the showing from the losing team, but a very good start for the new Awakened alliance. It was uncanny how well Ultramarcus and Morpheus worked together, without any outward signs of communication. I swear to God that these two must have been communicating telepathically or something. Normally I’d say that is ridiculous, but with these guys, it just might be true.
Match 2: Singles Match
Bobino vs. Blackwell
Two old school guys from the PWA days going at it is always cool by me, especially when it is two guys who have proven they can go like these two have. It’s good to see Blackwell coming back after a hiatus, and Bobino’s looking to start up some nice momentum here, so I was stoked for this match.
My expectations were exceeded. These guys put on a wrestling clinic. For everything the previous match lacked in length, this one made up for in spades. There must be a good two or three commercial breaks that will go through this one. Lots of unexpected things here, with a veritable shit ton of near falls interspersed between some of the best chain wrestling I’ve seen outside of William Regal matches.
I would try to give you a list of highlights, but it’s almost not possible to do so. The whole match was like a highlight reel. Just so fluid, and constantly back-and-forth. The ending came quite unexpectedly as Blackwell went for a Victory Roll to close the match out, but Bobino stepped into it, dropping Blackwell on his shoulders. Bobino dropped to his knees and pressed all his weight across Blackwell’s shoulders, and he just couldn’t kick out in time. He really stole that one out from under Blackwell, and this one really could have gone either way. Big ups to both guys here.
Bobino (3.80 APS + 1.30 Vote = 5.10)
Blackwell (3.76 APS + 1.20 Vote = 4.96)
Mikey's Thoughts: Just a great old school wrestling match. The crowd was engaged, alternately chanting for both dudes, and the psychology was there with all of the near falls and real wrestling action. The crowd was on the edge of their seats the whole time. This is what wrestling matches should be, folks. Really good shit.
Match 3: International Heavyweight Championship Chase
Tromboner Man (c) vs. Aldous Gregory vs. Mooroopna Mayamaya vs. Chris Owens vs. Jack “Pitbull” Daniels vs. Cripsy vs. Cristian Parkes vs. Mr. Golden
Fucking speechless. I still can’t believe that, not only were both top tier champs competing on Vertigo, but one of them was defending their title against like 29 other dudes. It was really cool to see, and hopefully it shows that the LPW brass has more hopes for this show than just being a C-level program. Enough proselytizing, I suppose. Still; kudos to management.
This one started out with all 8 men in the ring, and it devolved into organized chaos pretty quickly. Owens and Daniels made the mistake of acting like they were going to team up and provoking the others. The other six dudes descended on them like Hell’s winds and just mercilessly beat them down for something like three and a half minutes. After the brutality finally ended, these two poor sods were pinned simultaneously with three of the other competitors each placing a foot on their respective chests. It was almost disturbing, and yet hilarious at the same time.
After that, Moonraper or whatever his name is shoved the bodies out of the ring, and then started posing like he was a strong man. He turned around and ate five finishers in quick succession, after which the five remaining upright combatants pinned him with their feet once more. Then the other men just stood there while the ref rolled Moonunit out of the ring and to the floor so the match could continue.
Things got a little more interesting after this. Cripsy and Parkes started going at it one-on-one, and pretty much continued doing so for the remainder of the match. Tromboner Man, Golden and Gregory started battling it out back and forth in a heated three way for a few minutes. Boner (lulz) hit Aldous with the Spitvalve, but before he could get off the pin, Golden pulled him off and tossed him to the outside. Boner hit that rail HARD too. Damn. Golden then hit Gregory with his own finisher and covered him for the pin, eliminating him from the match.
Cripsy and Parkes were continuing to take each other on when Golden threw himself into the mix. He was getting the upper hand at first, but then all of a sudden he got laid out with a Total Elimination like maneuver by Parkes and Cripsy that I never saw coming. And evidently, neither did Golden, because it laid his ass right out. Parkes and Cripsy then started arguing over who would go for the cover, but Boner crawled back in from the outside and covered Golden for the pin while they were distracted.
This, of course, pissed them off, and they ganged up on poor Boner, beating him down and tossing him once more to the outside where he landed hard at ringside. I tell you, with the amount of abuse that Boner took during this match… Nah, too easy.
This left Cripsy and Parkes STILL going back and forth in the ring, in what was an impressive display of wrestling skills. These guys were really well matched up, and they showed a lot of potential here. After a heated exchange, Cripsy barely reversed out of Parkes’ finisher and managed to nail him with the Cabin Pressure. As he stood up and spun around, he was met with an Intonation Buster from a returning Boner which caught him full on. Cripsy flew backward and landed on Parkes with Boner on top of him. It was quite possibly the luckiest placement in history because both men’s shoulders were down, and the ref counted to three, making Boner the winner of this bout.
Tromboner Man (4.70 APS + 1.4 Vote = 6.10 Total)
Cripsy (3.85 APS + 0.4 Vote = 4.25 Total)
Christian Parkes (3.73 APS + 0.5 Vote = 4.23 Total)
Mr. Golden (3.70 APS + 0.1 Vote = 3.80 APS)
Aldous Gregory (2.85 APS + 0.1 Vote = 2.95 Total)
Mooroopna Mayamaya (1.56 APS + 0.00 Vote = 1.56 Total)
Chris Owens (0.00 APS + 0.0 Vote = 0.00 Total)
Jack “Pitbull” Daniels (0.00 APS + 0.0 Vote = 0.00 Total)[/i]
Mikey's Thoughts: Great fucking match. A lot of guys really stepped up here and showed that they were ready for the big stage, while Boner showed just why he’s one of the smartest in the business today. Even if he is batshit crazy. There was some really good work by Gregory and Golden, and Cripsy and Parkes really wowed me, which I honestly wasn’t expecting. I think you’d have to be a moron to expect a title change on Vertigo, but damned if they didn’t have me buying into it for a moment there. Big props to all around for this one.
*****
All in all, I'd say Vertigo was a good show, with some great performances and surprises. Good matches, and great debut to the new stable. I’m still in awe of the stacked roster they used this time, and hope they continue to put such an emphasis on this show. I’ll definitely be keeping my peepers popping to see what happens next. I’ll be back next month for the next round of tapings, and in the meantime, don't forget to wipe, and stay off the pipe, while all you haters out there can feel free to eat a dick. Suckers.
Mikey Moose (Mike_Rulz@hotmail.com)