What's up, mother fuckers and mother fuckettes? Mikey Moose back in beige with the LPW Vertigo results. You know how it works by now, and if you don’t, kill yourself.


This match was a little intriguing to me because these are two new guys that I’ve never seen before. They went out there and put on a respectable match, considering what must have been a mega case of the nerves performing in front of the live LPW crowd. From what I understand, neither of these guys have a contract, so this was probably their tryout match. Because of that, this might very well end up being a dark match that doesn’t get aired on TV, just because of licensing and contract legal issues.

Anyhow, it was far from the worst match I’ve seen, but there wasn’t really anything that stood out and wowed either. The guys definitely know how to wrestle, or at least the basics of the in-ring aspect. The crowd had trouble getting into it, but I think that’s largely because they didn’t know the guys and weren’t invested in them yet. They can definitely work, so hopefully they’ll develop that side of things more in the near future.

Anyway, it was a good back-and-forth outing, lasting just over the five-minute mark. Banks ended up getting the upper hand and landing the pinfall on Andrews to put a close on these two guys’ first chapters in their LPW careers.

Cal Banks (3.62 APS + 2.0 Vote = 5.62 Total)
Dazz Andrews (3.48 APS + 0.6 Vote = 4.08 Total)[/i]

Mikey's Thoughts: It was a decent match, with the two unknowns making their debuts. A couple of botched spots, but that’s to be expected for two brand Nubians on the big stage. Neither guy has a contract as of yet, but based on this performance, I could see them getting one soon. If it were up to me, I’d probably sign them.



Two more debutants wrestling it out on Vertigo this week. On one hand, we’ve got a ridicu-rich guy who basically bought his way into the company. On the other, we’ve got a chick. So, this little rich prick is making his big debut in LPW against… A chick. Now, she’s a trained wrestler and all… But she’s still just a chick… And he’s a dude… And I’m using an awful lot of ellipses…

Let me get one thing off my chest right away. Thaila is kinda hot. For the record: I’d hit it.

Moving on, you could see that Logan was thinking the same thing, because instead of going on the offensive, he spent the first few minutes of the match trying to flirt with her, with little success. She smiled at him and moved in close, and then dropped him with a straight knee to the ball bag. For some reason, the ref allowed it. She then jumped on him and started slapping the shit out of him. He covered himself up and then eventually threw her off of him. Hard. When she hit the mat, you could tell she was a bit dazed.

Carter got back to his feet and spent the next few minutes just toying with her. He’d beat her around a little bit, and then he would go for the cover, only to pull her up at the last second. This went on for a few minutes before the ref finally started bitching him out. They argued for a second, and when Carter turned back around, he was met with a kick to the groin by Morgan. He dropped to his knees in pain, but as Thaila advanced to capitalize, he shot out and nailed her with a sick uppercut to the jaw. She dropped to the mat cold, and he crawled over and made the cover for the pin and win.

Logan Carter 3.53 APS + 1.00 AVS= 4.53
Thaila Morgan 2.73 APS + 1.50 AVS= 4.23

Mikey's Thoughts: Congratulations, Logan. You beat a girl.



Well, this was supposed to be a triple threat match, but Omega was denied entry to the arena on account of him not having a contract (not that this stopped the newbies who wrestled the dark match… CREATIVE!!~!11) so that left Parkes and Kaiser in a standard singles bout. I have to admit to being impressed with their efforts, too.

These two guys are hungry, and their performances showed that here. They had a great back and forth match that really showcased the wrestling talents that these two guys possess. Each dude kept trying to show up the other, and the match escalated in intensity until you could actually see the welts and bruises forming on them as they fought stiffer and stiffer. Bryan Danielson would be proud of the chops these guys were hitting each other with.

It seemed like these two were going to keep going at it until one or both of them were rendered unconscious or dead, but then the benefits of having a manager at ringside showed themselves once again. Hammond managed to distract Kaiser long enough for Parkes to nail him with The Messenger, and get the cover for the three count. Good stuff.

Christian Parkes (3.80 APS + 1.8 Vote = 5.60 Total)
Kaiser Teiwaz (3.68 APS+ 0.5 Vote = 4.18 Total)
Seth Omega (0.00 APS + 0.2 Vote = 0.20 Total)

Mikey's Thoughts: I really liked this match. It was old school, balls out action, and reminded me of the good old days when having a manager meant something. I think this Hammond guy is going to prove to be a big asset in Parkes’ corner as his career progresses; a career that looks to have a pretty bright future at the moment.



Two of my favorite up and comers on Pyro going at it for a chance to win some gold? Sounds good to me. These guys put on a hell of a match. It’s almost like the intensity of the last match carried over to these two, and they just went at each other with reckless abandon. You could tell how important winning this match was to both men because they pulled out all the stops and really laid into each other.

There were some legitimate holy shit moments here, but the best was probably when Lincoln climbed the top rope and before he could get his move off, Pleasant hit him with a running, jumping, flying, something cross body, knocking him off the top and dumping both men to the outside where they landed HARD on the ring steps. Both men were writhing in obvious pain on the ground outside while the ref made the ten count. That’s right, bitches. Double Count Out!

Daniel Pleasant (3.92 APS + 1.3 Vote = 5.22 APS)
Cyborg Lincoln (3.92 APS + 1.3 Vote = 5.22 APS)

After the bell rang, the result was announced and the crowd showed its displeasure. Damion Kross made his way to the ramp and said that a double count out is unacceptable, and the match was ordered to restart. The two battered men made their way back into the ring and picked up right where they left off. They were hitting each other with everything they had left and then some.

You could hear the blows they were landing on each other echoing throughout the packed arena. Some of the shit they were hitting each other with was straight up sickening. I have no idea how these guys kept going, but going they kept. After several more minutes of trading holds and blasting each other violently, it looked like both men were just about out on their feet, spaghetti legs and all.

Then, Lincoln managed to snap out of his daze a split second sooner than Pleasant. Lincoln snatched Pleasant up and went for the Emancipation, but in the midst of the move, Pleasant managed to twist and nail Lincoln with The Face Of Evil at the same time! These two fuckers hit each other with their respective finishers simultaneously! It was a beautiful sight, and I still don’t know how they pulled it off. The result was both men laid out on the mat, and the ref once again started the ten count.

After all that, back and forth, ending, restarting, bashing and breaking, the ref reached ten, and this match ended in a Double Knock Out. Amazingly well timed and well done.

Daniel Pleasant (3.92 APS + 1.3 Vote = 5.22 APS)
Cyborg Lincoln (3.92 APS + 1.3 Vote = 5.22 APS)

Mikey's Thoughts: This match was one of the best I’ve ever seen on Vertigo. It had a little bit of everything. Great action, passion, some excellent spots, and just a damn rollercoaster ride from start to finish. These guys deserve some serious kudos for this match, and I am really looking forward to seeing where they go from here regarding the Number One Contendership. Really good shit.


All in all, I'd say Vertigo was a pretty damn good outing. There was some great action, where some people really stepped up, and we got to see the debut of four new personalities in the LPW Universe. One thing that took me a little by surprise is how we went from both World Champs competing on one episode of Vertigo to no one who’s scratched the surface of the midcard yet in the next. Still, that unpredictability is one of the things that will keep me watching next time. I’ll be back next month for the next round of tapings, and in the meantime, don't forget to wipe, and stay off the pipe, while all you haters out there can feel free to suck down a hot spicy bowl of cock. Righteous.

Mikey Moose (Mike_Rulz@hotmail.com)