Arrive. Knock a bitch out. Leave.
That’s how Pyro 20.3 went for me. But the whole time I couldn’t wait to be home, and given what’s been happening there, that’s saying something. Now, smacking down Daniel’s main trick was fun and all, but after what Jasmine saw, what I almost did to Carmen… I finally had a reason for not caring about that match and unfortunately, I wish I didn’t.
I haven’t acted like it and I hate that they became the reason for my apathy in the manner they did. I tossed and turned last night as those thoughts discombobulated my emotions, emotions I’ve tried so hard to control; emotions that still find ways to control me.
As I shuffle back into the den from the bathroom, I look back towards my bedroom, seeing where Carmen is. With the door closed, I’m sure she is in no mood to talk but for the past few weeks, when things were decent enough for us to share a bedroom because anything else just isn’t happening I’ve felt like I’ve been lying next to a stranger. I don’t see her as the spitfire around the way that frankly had me gone fucking stupid just to see what she looked like outside of those jeans or as my best friend, or as my escape from the piss-poor excuse of a home life I had as a young cat growing up. Now, over a decade later, she’s just someone I have to deal with in order to be with Jasmine.
She’s an obstacle, basically. Every time I try to look at her differently, I hear her voice tearing into me repeatedly. I can hear, yes HEAR, her hatred-filled gaze upon me. But I’ve seemingly become resigned to this life.
It doesn’t help that LPW is something I don’t give a fuck about.
[/i]+++
And, she’s awake. This should be fun. Last night she brought up the idea of couples therapy. First of all, we’re a couple by appearance only. We don’t hold hands. We don’t kiss. We don’t fuck. We don’t do anything couple-esque. I know, I know, we’re technically married but that isn’t the point.
The point is…
“Ed.”
Yeah… no time for that, I’m about to get my daily verbal lashing and I didn’t even do anything.
“
Eduardo?”
“Yes, Carmen,” I say exasperatedly. I just… look, I don’t want to-
“Have you thought about anything I brought up last night?”
“Yeah.”
“So what are you thinking?”
She studies me while sipping from a coffee mug. She nears me closely as I rub my head. It looks like she’d like to sit down next to me but thought better of it.
“Carmen, you know how I feel about therapy.”
“Look, I don’t like it either but I’m willing to try anything at this stage. What happened a couple weeks ago, it CANNOT happen again.”
“I know.”
I stand up and walk around the den as she twirls her hair and a look of concern washes over her face. For a split second my hands ache in a dull longing. I miss when I could run my fingers through her hair but those days are gone now.
“I’m sorry about that Carmen. You know I would never…”
“No, I don’t know.”
“What?”
“I don’t know anymore. I barely know you. I don’t know what has happened in the past 10 or 12 years, I know people change and I know about that unfortunate event with your sister but, seriously… something’s happened to you and it’s made you certifiably
loco. You just aren’t the same, I mean at your core.”
“Carmen, you know I wouldn’t jeopardize my relationship with Jasmine.”
“But what about our relationship? Don’t get me wrong, I know the real reason why we’re even doing this and you know it too but something’s still here, right? I mean damn, we don’t have to live together to be good parents to our
hija and if nothing’s happening here, I’m not wasting my time or Jasmine’s. So, what exactly are we doing now?”
“We’re trying to raise Jasmine the best we can and give her something that neither one of us really had, for different reasons.”
“No, Eddie. What are WE doing? Exactly what the fuck is this?”
“Uh… well it’s…”
Well shit. What the fuck are we doing, Carmen and I? I sit down defeated as she chooses to sit by me. I stare a bit downcast as I can see out of the corner of my eye, worry on her face.
“I don’t know.”
“Well, maybe I should be asking whether or not you care enough to find out, huh?”
“Carmen it’s just that…”
“Is it pride? Are you scared or something?”
“I fear NOTHING except losing Jasmine… that didn’t come out right, that’s not what I meant, Carmen.”
It’s not that I don’t care about Carmen. It’s… well maybe I don’t care about her. But I find it hard to care about much of anything, especially something that has emasculated you and challenged you like nothing else ever has in your life. I don’t know. I turn to face her and I can see that I may have hurt her feelings then. I try to say something but…
“Que la fuck? Well what did you mean?”
“Carmen, the last time I tried therapy it resulted in some elaborate hoax concocted by my boss that only served to-”
“Introduce you to you daughter.”
Touché, Carmen. She rolls her eyes in minor annoyance and goes to get ready for the day.
“Will you at least think about it,” she pleads.
“Yeah, I’ll think about it Carmen.”
She sighs heavily. As she leaves, I hear her mutter under her breath, “… you won’t.” I look in her direction and she just keeps on walking. I rub my face in frustration and then it hits me.
I don’t think Carmen believes in me anymore. And for some reason, I don’t give a fuck. Fuck therapy.
+++
Triple threat matches... what’s fun about this one is that I get to beat down Ken Ryans and White Falcon, two people that have been groomed for success in this federation.
The ass-whooping I’m about to hand these monkey asses is going to be legen… wait for that shit… dary.
But before I do that, I need to look for weaknesses. Now, Falcon, I’ve all but got him figured out but it never hurts to stay sharp. Still have to execute, you know. Now, Ken Ryans, he’s interesting. You know, sucking off Robert Lillehammer, then “killing” Misfits until he tried to defeat the members worth a damn, failing there, then failing with a rehash of the Lillehammer Administration and then failing as a member of the same group he tried to kill and so on. But, he’s as tactical as they come, and he’s a slimy mother fucker.
He’s nothing another concussion can’t fix. So as I watch footage of these two, trying to get into kill a bitch mode my little angel strolls in and well, I can’t get into that mindset with her around. She sits beside me and rests her head on my shoulder… well lower bicep to be more accurate. I respond with a quick peck on the head.
“Hey papa, what are you doing?”
“Just preparing for work, sweetie. What about you, anything you want to do today? Want to go to the park and play some soccer?”
Yes, I’ve gotten into the game as of late. She likes it so I took an interest in it. Not a bad sport at all.
“Eh, not really. Kinda want to go to Disney World.”
“I don’t mind taking you. If you really want to go, that can be arranged. We’ll all go, you, me and your mother. It’ll be fun.”
“No, it’s OK. So is this match important or something?”
“Yes, actually. Winner gets to be captain of the team at Altered Reality.”
“If you win you should get the “C” thing on your chest like they do in
Futbol Americano or hockey or something.”
“You know what, that’s not a bad idea. How did school come along?”
“I really don’t like my teacher, glad it’s all done.”
“What’s wrong with your teacher?”
“Well she’s…”
“What, mean? Tough? Boring?”
“Kind of a...
puta.”
“JASMINE ANDREA RAMIREZ. NO.”
Between you and me, I laughed a little on the inside. She stares up at me, trying to feign innocence. Her act gets nowhere with me and I stare right back at her.
“You’re too young for that language.”
“Dad, if you knew her you would say the same thing.”
I chuckle at her precociousness. I’m not sure where she got that kind of language from to be honest. Oh wait… her parents argue and curse at one another all the time, no-brainer. In retrospect this is our fault. I gently rub her head but then she readjusts her seating.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure, anything,” I say as I pause the TV.
“Are you going to leave me and mama?”
Where in the hell does that question even come from? I mean, why would she- I know we argue but Carmen and I have made great effort to let her know that we love her…
Mother Fucking Carmen. This, this, Goddamnit! What the hell is she doing poisoning Jas’ mind like this? We are already on thin ice, and I get that we’re not happy with one another but that’s fucking low to try and undercut the relationship I have with my baby.
“Honey…”
“I’m scared, daddy.”
“What for?”
“I’m scared you won’t love us forever.”
“Jasmine… I’m not going to leave you or your mother. Why would you even question that?”
“I mean, you and Mom argue all the time, you two never have anything nice to say to each other. It sucks.”
“I’ve lived through worse. And I love you, Jasmine, why would I-“
“You know I’ve never heard you say that to Mom? Besides, you used to love LPW, the
lucha libre and you left it. Now you hate it and don’t even care about it anymore. Who’s to say that you’ll always love me and Mom?”
“That’s different, Jasmine.”
“How, besides you loving and knowing LPW longer than you knew Mom and me? If you could hate and stop caring about LPW like that…”
She looks towards me, clearly bothered by something that a person of her age shouldn’t be worrying over. Her eyes tell me what her voice was too scared to say. I look at her and my hand goes to scratch my jawline, but I lower it. And my eyes begin to burn as my face melts into a displeased frown.
“Dad, are you alright? I didn’t mean to make you mad…”
“No, no. It’s alright… I needed to hear it.”
I then grab her slowly and hug her, tightly.
“
Te amo, Jasmine. I’m sorry.”
“
Te amo.”
I had no idea she felt like that. You see, even when you think you’re doing right, something can fall through the cracks. I cannot lose Jasmine and… it matters that Carmen has lost faith in me. I don’t blame her, I somewhat lost faith in her too. I can’t lose Jasmine and I can’t lose Carmen. She’s the only adult that willingly deals with me. I need her, fortunately or unfortunately.
Then I hear keys as Carmen walks in. She sees our daughter and I embracing one another and she smiles until she looks in my face.
“Ed… what’s wrong? Is Jasmine OK?”
“Carmen…”
Carmen rushes to where we are, seeing if Jasmine is alright. She then looks towards me and asks again, “Ed, is everything OK?”
“Carmen…”
“
Si?”
“Call a therapist. We’re going to fix this.”
She looks to Jasmine and then her head snaps back towards me as she realizes what I have said.
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
Carmen smiles as she tries to comfort Jasmine and I. I realize now that I have to do something. I’m not losing them and I had no fucking clue that my apathy towards LPW affected how Jasmine felt about all of this. I know what a dysfunctional upbringing is, and I’ll be damned if Jasmine or Carmen have to suffer through what I did.
If that means I have to care about LPW again, then so be it.
God help you unlucky sons of bitches. God help you all.
+++
Among this cornucopia of faggotry reside a few decent people. You see, this is what I work with. LPW is what I do and after what Jasmine said to me… it has to matter again. I refuse to lose her and Carmen. And I realize what I have to do in order to ensure that.
It starts at Blistering Inferno and it starts with two pissants that mean more to my career than I’d ever hope. But that’s not on my mind right now. As I swerve into the parking lot of *insert arena here* I can’t help but to wonder what I had been doing all of this time. Had I known that my return, to this point would be so
easy…
It should NEVER be that easy. I look into my rear-view mirror and realize that staring back at me is someone I haven’t seen in a long time. I’ve missed him, actually. Welcome back.
I grab my shit, hook up my headphones and click shuffle on my iPod. Then I walk purposefully; hurriedly towards the arena entrance. Every step is more ravenous with anger than the first. All the while, Killswitch Engage, fittingly, serenades my fury and helps me mold it into a weapon with which I can control, exploit and destroy.
YEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW…. YEAH!
…
All I ever wanted, was destiny, to be fulfilled,
It is in my hands, I must not fail,
I must not fail…
Even through the darkest days,
This fire burns, Always…
This fire burns…
Always…[/i]
Hmm… might be a little too dramatic but fuck it. As I enter the arena all of the backstage shit stops. I keep walking as I can feel eyes staring my way, hoping I look back at them.
These hoes don’t have my attention. It’s best for them that they don’t. I’m only looking for one place: the interview area. I’ve got some shit to get off of my chest and frankly, people don’t do enough of it these days. And there DJC is, talking to a fucking lowlife skidmark who jerks curtains for LPW. His name isn’t important.
Let’s put an end to that.
“Get the fuck out.”
“Uh… why?”
“I’ve got shit to say, move or be moved.”
DJC pipes up, “Nigga, don’t you see me talkin’ shop with ol’ buddy?”
“Nigga shut the fuck up. No one’s talking to your ghetto Stephen Hawking ass. I’m talking to someone a good bit lower on the totem pole. Now, you’re interrupting my interview time. Leave, bitch.”
“I don’t know who told you different but, this isn’t 2008 or 2009 or 2010, you can’t expect to-HOLY SHIT MAN EASY!”
In case you can’t tell, I’ve grabbed this bitch by his shirt and I can feel the eyes looking directly upon my personage and the ass-whooping I’m about to bust out all over this cunt-bubble.
I haven’t said cunt-bubble in a long time. Felt nice.
“Look here, you third-world herpe. You’re sorely testing my patience which is something I DO NOT HAVE for monkeys liked yourself. Get out of my fucking sight before I turn your ugly-ass face into a Goddamn bedpan. Get it?”
“Ye-ye…”
I smack the poor schmuck on the side of his head and say, “Enunciate, you fucking clown.”
“Yeah, man! Shit, just take your hands off me!”
“Or what? You’re going to tattle to big bad cYn? Maybe your daddy Damion? I’ve gone gangbusters on them before. So what the fuck are you going to do if I don’t let you go?”
The kid’s frightened. That or mind-numbingly stupid, one. I shove the guy out of the frame, having made one of my points for the day.
“Kick rocks, mongrel.” I snort and scratch my jawline as DJC studies my form.
“So clearly you ain’t gettin’ any at the crib. No normal nigga got that kind of rage built up out tha blue,” he says.
“Hold the microphone up, son.”
“B, you not Darth Vader and I ain’t Luke Skywalker.”
So instead of asking his stubborn ass again, I decide to snatch his hand up and expedite the process.
“You see, it’s shit like this, shit like what you just saw and fucking failures like White Falcon and Ken Ryans why I act the way I act, why I am the person I am. You see, people don’t respect apathy. People don’t respect so called quitters, failures and all of that crap. What they really hate about it is when that same apathetic piece of trash is, to put it in your terms, straight up clownin’ these schmucks left and right like it’s a nigga’s fuckin’ birthright.
People ragged on me all the time for quitting on some federation and I’ve heard about it a few times since I got back. That’s fine but the least these sorry assed cowards could do would be to treat all of their quitters like that. But no, Ken Ryans and White Falcon get a fucking free pass. It’s OK, these hemorrhoids say. They mean a lot to us, we can count on them, they’re over, yada, yada, yada-bullshit.
Suddenly, here we are on the eve of the most worthless tradition LPW has, Altered Reality, and Pyromania is looking for a captain or whatever to lead them to some kind of Promised Land. They look towards Celio and Ken like a hungry infant waiting for their mothers to pop out a tit and satiate their boo-hooing like they’re going to fix anything.”
“You sound real fuckin’ hot under the collar, fam.”
“Don’t interrupt me, DeSean. But yeah, I am hot under the collar because we’ve been down this road before. You see this triple threat match here? Two of the three participants have been the face of Pyromania; they’ve been International Heavyweight Champion. Both of them have reached the pinnacle when they didn’t even earn the right.
I don’t hit X with that chair, Ryans doesn’t win the Inferno Seven. I don’t annihilate White Falcon in successive shows for the Western States Heritage Championship, he is unable to compete for the IHC, let alone go on to become the WORST International Heavyweight Champion that this brand ever saw. Don’t worry, Ken, you’re a fucking close second, followed by NPD.
As SOON as Ken faced real competition, he either quit, as he did with X, or he wilted under the pressure of being the man. And you know what he did after bombing as International Heavyweight Champion? He meandered about with that mother canucker Marcus, smacking him around before the aforementioned moose knuckle knocked him all loopy. AND THEN? He beats down Seth Omega before losing in his IHC rematch. Ryans has been nothing but a disappointment, a fucking coward that has found a new comfort zone facing inferior competition to him.
As soon as Falcon left Insanity and realized that someone like me, who for the first part of his career treaded water at best on Inferno, was worlds better than anyone he had faced on Insanity for the two years prior? He called everybody heathens and eventually deserted the brand. You know what he’s done since coming back? Get his ass whipped by me at Pyro 20.2, just like he did when he FIRST landed on this God-forsaken brand, and get his ass whipped by me AGAIN at Pyro 20.3.
And I’m the one who keeps getting it thrown in my face? I’m the one that people want to go away, heh-heh.
Hell, you keep that derision coming my way because thanks to little miss Daniel? Two of his best chances of winning are up against someone who has outclassed, with a half-hearted effort, just about every one in Pyromania’s main event sans Tromboner Man. Yet when the captaincy gets passed around like the slimy whore that is this brand’s authority position, my name does not even get considered until the wizard wants me to play ball.”
I twist my neck and audible cracks echo as a crowd has gathered. cYnical pushes his way to the forefront as I glare at him. He smirks at me; apparently his so called mind game has worked. Little does he know that this has nothing to do with him.
I’m sick of not unleashing my frustrations on these assmunches at work, taking that shit home with me and adversely affecting my relationships with those closest to me. I’m sick of taking it easy, to be quite honest. I’m sick of people thinking that just because I don’t care means that they have the right to write me off as some non-threat.
I’m sick of not being on my way to becoming the man to beat in Pyromania. I’m sick of watching people I’ve beaten, reap spoils. I’m sick of people trying to puppeteer me around when they know NOT that which they are fucking with.
But most of all? MOST OF ALL? I’m sick of holding myself back and at the expense of Ken Ryans and White Falcon, I break my own glass ceiling.
“Well as the most dominating bastard on Pyro this cycle, I refuse to allow the captaincy go to someone that I’m embarrassing without my best effort. Kenny, Celio… I told Daniel when he told me about this match that he had written a check that neither one of you could cash. He tried to put me in this match to make me follow him; to make me reach down and find something within, something that makes me care. I didn’t need him to get me to care you rat-faced pieces of shit and you two MOST DEFINITELY didn’t need me to care about this match… but I do.
Perhaps Danny wanted to make things a bit more interesting or give his boys a “tune-up” but, unless people are interested in seeing me beat the absolute dogshit out two people like the cock-juggling bimbos that they are, then I’d advise you not to watch this match.
You both had your time; you wilted, you failed. I’ve never had my chance to bask in the glow. I start at Blistering Inferno when I make a human centipede out of my opponents, Hancock-style. I keep going to Altered Reality 6 when I LEAD MY TEAM to victory. And then… whichever titlist I set my sights on, your respective reign might as well be given its last rites.
I will not lead Pyromania for the benefit of this piss-poor brand. I will lead Pyromania because I trust myself a whole hell of a lot more than I do two failed abortions that have already shown you who they really are. Now I will take the massive piss called a reality check all over your vision of the status quo. You wanted an Eddie B. that was emotionally invested? You’ve got him. You want a real face of Pyromania? Don’t look toward your fuckboy champions or these soon-to-be-ex-captains that I’m about to curb stomp. Look at me.
I’m not the face of Pyromania because I want to be. I’m the face of Pyromania because nobody can take it from me and I walk to the beat of my own drum. Falcon follows some batshit Harry Potter-looking wannabe deity because God ‘failed him’. Kenny, that so called soldier needs a leader because well, you all saw how the Ryans Administration went.”
“Tha what, fam? Tha hell is tha fuckin’ Ryans Administration?”
“That’s my point. The new face of Pyromania is an angry, jealous son of a bitch that sees every single one of you people as a puff of oxygen that fuels the Sodom and Gomorrah that I’m about to drown you fucks in as I raze any and all obstacles.
Kenny, Celio… you bitches are about to get stomped. When you wake up, tell Daniel I said be careful what you wish for, because everybody gets it. I’m going to ruin and dispose of you two snatch-hat wearing twits as if I was a high school version of Xander fucking and chucking a 16-year-old snowbunny that thought she was getting him caught up.”
“DAY-UMMMM son!”
“Kenneth Bradford Ryans and Celio Falkone… you two will serve as prime examples of this: Y’all hoes need to learn that while Daniel’s name may be on the lease,
I run this bitch and there’s nothing that the flaming purple Loki can do about it except get rag-dolled by me,
AGAIN.
To prove it, rest assured that I’m going to mollywhop both you placeholding cunts from here to kingdom come and
this time, I’ll do it with feeling[/color].”